Easter - WTF?!?!
So it’s that time again. Where Christians and those who follow the Jesus myth celebrate the brutal beating and crucifixion of their savior. Which they happen to call “Good Friday.” I’m pretty sure if Jesus had anything to say about this it would be the exact opposite of good. Nobody silently takes a flogging and especially if they are under the assumption they are about to be hung on a giant fucking cross for everyone else’s fuck ups. I’ve seen people being flogged and not once have they ever broken out in a Broadway show tune exclaiming how glorious life is.
Then in three days they fall to their knees with the idea of the resurrection miracle. The reanimated corpse of the dead savior rises from the dead. Yea, the only begotten son of fucking God himself turned into a fucking zombie. From Good Friday right to fucking zombie apocalypse in the matter of a single weekend. There is something to this story we aren’t being told and I’m willing to bet it has to do with one fuck of a party. Water to wine will get you crucified and then turned into a fucking zombie is probably not the message the authors were going for when writing this chapter of the Jesus myth but it’s really hard to deny the evidence.
Then we also get a judgmental rabbit with colored eggs who is more of prick than Santa Claus. At least Santa had a fucking list that he checked at least twice. This little furry bastard just says “Nope, ya been bad little shit. No fucking candy for you!” Leave it to the imaginative minds of German folks to come up with a story to grab their kids attention once Christmas is over with. You better watch out, you better not cry seems a whole lot better when compared to the disappointment that will lead to a life of therapy when fucking Hitler Bunny decides a child is undeserving of tasty treats this Easter holiday.
Easter is the most sadistic fucking holiday ever. Play it safe and watch porn instead.